A young man woke up on the morning before Thanksgiving and discovered someone had left a parrot in a cage outside his front door.
He took the cage into the kitchen and placed it on the counter.
"Hey asshole," the parrot squawked. "Open the fucking cage and get me some fucking breakfast. I'm starving. And clean this shit-hole cage while you're at it. Smells like a fucking bird took a dump in here."
The young man was startled to say the least. But being a kind soul took pity on the bird who after all, he reasoned, must be traumatized by the sudden upheaval in his life. He decided to approach the problem with kindness and sympathy, as befitting the season.
Gently, he took the bird out of the cage and placed it softly on the counter. Then set about getting the bird's breakfast ready, before cleaning out his cage.
Throughout the bird maintained a running commentary. "Hey, dick-wad this stuff sucks. Haven't you got anything decent to eat in this cess-pit. Just my fucking luck to get dumped on the doorstep of some loser. Hey, hey, not like that. Don't you know anything about cleaning bird cages. Where'd you grow up under the train tracks? That where your momma dropped you. No wonder. One look at your face she probbaly died from embarassment."
Suddenly the young man grabbed the bird, opened the door of the freezer and flung the parrot inside. For a minute there was squawking and banging from within. Then suddenly, the room fell silent.
Overcome by remorse the young man opened the freezer door. To his surprise, the parrot walked out quietly and settled gently onto his outstretched arm.
Then, with bowed head, the parrot began to speak.
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions," the parrot said softly. "I'm filled with remorse for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior. I'm grateful to you in the extreme for your kindness and thoughtfulness, and I intend to fully repay you with lifelong devotion and admiration."
The young man was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. But before he could say anything, the parrot looked up at him. It was clear he had something else he wanted to say. The young man gave him what he hoped was an encouraging look. Whatever had caused this parrot's attitude to change so dramatically had clearly affected him deepely.
Hesitantly, the parrot cleared his throat. And then, with what was clearly a great effort, said very quietly, "may I ask what the turkey did?"
